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Read more "I’ve moved!"My number one fear when I was pregnant: can you guess? Surprisingly it was not the labor, or wondering what would happen if I somehow didn’t love my baby. It was neither the promised sleepless nights, nor the lack of intimacy my partner and I were guaranteed to experience. It was the countless times I […]
Read more "I can be all of me."Thwack. “No” …. Thwack. “No, D…” …. THWACK. “NO.” I hear my husband reprimand repeatedly as I sip on coffee with a nice sturdy wall as separation from the back and forth. This is the bit of peace that I get every other morning, if I choose to wake up instead of sleep in. We’re […]
Read more "A Slow Way"I choose to sit down at the opening where our little inside meets our little outside, and watch you play with the dirt from the potted plant I left on the balcony to slowly die. Innocent destruction, you pull the plant out and laugh as you lift it above your head, then bring it quickly […]
Read more "This Moment is Meditation"How many evangelistic trainings have I attended, have I myself prepared and given. How many times have I read scripture and thought, “Oh here is a convincing point that if x friend read and understood, they would for sure surrender all to Jesus.” How many times have I read that scripture to that friend and […]
Read more "Show up… and keep showing up"The Bible says, “And the two shall become one.” One time I said this at a counseling appointment and my christian counselor balked at me for using this as an excuse for our problems. She quickly corrected, “but you are two people with different needs.” Yes, yes. And also, we have taken these two people […]
Read more "two – one – two"I’m collecting these stories for you and for me. You loom large in my minds eye. You weren’t a tall man but your personality lengthened and widened you like the rays of the blazing sun. You were warmth and love and all of my friends said you treated them like another daughter in the house […]
Read more "For you, for me"How many epiphanies do we get in a life? I wasn’t sure if I was going to get another one. Maybe this was what losing your faith felt like, and if I could lose mine it must not have been that strong. But no, I knew that wasn’t true. Years of speaking gospel truth to […]
Read more "Epiphanytide"The weeks and feelings have been peaks and valleys of the severest kind. One moment I’m grinning into the face of my newborn, the next I’m holding back tears because I keep picturing my mom walking across the room in her robe, just looking at me, taking it all in. I went through her things […]
Read more "Two weeks post-loss"I’ve barely touched this part of my internet presence since the end of 2020. Two years, a pause. The curtain drawn as the crowd gets up for a snack and a pee break. Though the curtains close, there is still movement. Nothing truly stops. Neither have I. The notes app, a handful of notebooks. They […]
Read more "A brief intermission"
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